Unexpected news…

Tuesday 29th January 2019 I got a call to say that my ex-husband, Peter, has died. He was involved in a road traffic accident on a motorway. We don’t know if it was an accident or if it was suicide and there’s a chance we might not ever know.
Despite all the bad times and the awful things he once did to me and put me through we still had some good times together and there was a time where I loved him and I suppose there still is a part of me that will always love him.
Peter was Isabelle’s biological dad, even though he hadn’t seen her for a good few years I still dreaded telling her and my heart physically ached for her. I told her on Wednesday after school. She seemed fine at first until the evening where she came downstairs upset. Isabelle has handled it pretty well and has been incredibly brave! Her moods have been up and down and I find the evenings are the worst for her as that’s when shes most upset.
Although we led different lives Peter and I were still married. He had been with his current girlfriend/fiance, Melinda, for a year and 5 months and they have a baby daughter together, which is Isabelle’s half-sister! Through all of this Melinda and I have become brilliant friends – she has become the friend I never knew I needed! We are going to make sure both our girls as well as her older daughter all have a lovely sibling relationship.
I have his funeral and other legal things I need to sort out, my head feels like it’s going to explode most days because I’ve not slept properly since this happened. I’m drained, knackered, confused and just sad for so many reasons.
My moods vary from day to day, one day I’m crying and heartbroken but the next I’m numb and in disbelief. It was only the other day I realized that we never had a family picture of us with Isabelle and it hurt because that’s something I wish I had for Isabelles sake. I have so many questions and things I wished I had asked and said to him when I had the chance to. I wish more than anything that he had got help for his issues and demons so he at least had a chance to become the man I once knew and the man I knew he could be again if he wasn’t so stubborn and thought he knew better.

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